tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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