Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
