I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
