just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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