My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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