No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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