My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize