My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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