Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
