I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
