He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
