She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
