how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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