respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
tequila makes me forget i have legs
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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