Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
