When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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