she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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