Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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