Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
A+ Viking dick
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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