it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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