what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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