Whats the glycemic index on semen?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
