She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
