Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
