I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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