He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
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It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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