i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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