you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
