My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
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THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?