life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.