girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.