good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
thus making me awesome and them whores
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Randomize
