I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
