I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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