Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
