I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
