I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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