Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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