i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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