This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize