This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
