i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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