$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize