Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
