Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
