My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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