I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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