I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize