I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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