What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
