were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
