Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I did not marry a roomba.
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