i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
