put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
