their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
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How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize