she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
