The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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