There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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