Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor