I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.