I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van