How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
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I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.