Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What's dad's email?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"