He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?