dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime