I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.