Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
