So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
